Only yoga is helping me feel better

Photo: Hannah Willman

Last night's yoga practice was unbelievably restorative. I arrived at the studio in a bad mood. I felt down, dull, and listless. After 2 days of abstinence from alcohol, I felt how dependent I am on alcohol to improve and sustain my daily moods. Throughout the day, I may not drink, but I'm not far away from my medicine, so my moods are stable (and often joyful). I know that I rely on alcohol to improve my mood, to relieve stress, to relax when I'm exhausted, and to recover from the previous day's overindulgence. Without it, I'm on my own. It's too soon after my last drink for the natural ebb and flow of emotion and experience of internal rewards to return to normal. Nothing seems to keep me in good spirits for any long duration of time. One of the reasons alcohol becomes such a powerful addiction is because people can no longer find joy in other aspects of life. Non-drug joys are no longer rewarding the way they once were. And people who become addicted are often people who need to feel reward and experience peace. With the ability of natural rewards diminished, all there is room for is chemical rewards. They no longer provide the thrill they once did, but at least they can alleviate the suffering, if only for a moment.

But yoga sure helps! Last night's class was absolutely blissful. I spent the entire time deeply meditative on the mat. It mattered not which poses we were to move through during class. All I needed was to fall in and experience the relief provided during this hour and 15 minutes. One of the key poses during the session was the brave warrior. We spent a lot of time in sustained warrior poses. I felt that when the teacher announced the "brave warrior" that I was being empowered with bravery to face the challenge before me. It takes bravery to accept the nature of one's addiction, to come to terms with what we've suffered and lost, and to face a life of struggle without the substance.

After the class, I felt calm and peaceful. I was able to sleep like a baby, and I woke up happy. I don't have a class tonight, so I need to spend some time on my mat at home. Daily practice is key to reaping the benefits of yoga during this most important detox period.