Feeling free, feeling joy

I don't know where the transition occurred, but I am clearly feeling free. I am so happy to be sober, so solidly grounded into the path I have chosen - where my recovery is derived from my own needs, my own strengths. On my mat yesterday, our instructor guided us in how to send unwanted thoughts on their way and the funniest thing happened. I was seated in meditation, and of course my obsession with alcohol was active. I visualized sending the obsession on its way, and I called up an image of a little gremlin-like blob, that was removed from my body and waddled around my mat, watching me practice yoga without it bothering me. I identified this creature as my addiction, and I thought it odd that I'd make it so cute. I had to do some alterations to make her seem a little more evil, but the final result was that I practiced yoga without obsessing! It was beautiful! And my new studio has big windows with several green plants in front. Outside the window you can see trees, the sky, and the hills of Ithaca in the distance. As the session progressed the sky turned lovely colors and the sun set, shavasana ending at dusk, my favorite time of day. The majestic blue peeking through the trees brought so much comfort and joy. I'm happy.

Namaste

Finding relief for mental obsessions

I started this blog when I began to realize that yoga was providing healing for my mental illnesses. I felt better about who I am, even during times of intense struggle with alcohol and depression. Now, I am abstaining from alcohol and I have been struggling with a constant obsession about my drinking problem. In addition, I have been turning to sugar to relieve some of my cravings. It definitely helps, but it doesn't truly alleviate the discomfort. Truthfully, cravings aren't the end of the world. They don't cause me agony (agony like the cravings I experienced when I quit smoking). But, when trying to recover from addiction or depression or eating disorders, we all want to know "how long?" How long will I experience discomfort? How frequently do I have to put up with thoughts intruding into my life about consuming something to make me feel good?

Today, my practice is going to center around alleviating obsession, clearing the mind. On the mat, I will do my best to sink into a meditative state that is free from addictive thoughts, and then I will take the practice off my mat, incorporating an addict-free mentality throughout the day. It's not easy, and the battle can only be won a moment at a time.

Namaste