About Me
- Evi
- I have completely overcome eating disorders which emerged during my young womanhood, and I have also overcome addiction to cigarettes and marijuana. I am not interested in 12-step approaches to treatment for addictions. However, I do support Moderation Management as a beneficial therapeutic community, and I have found members of that group to be loving, supportive, patient, and kind. Feel free to email me at eviebie@gmail.com
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Sober, not free
Yoga Art by Gosia JanikI have abstained from alcohol for nearly 2 months now. I have been enjoying many gifts because of my sobriety, but many rewards I so looked forward to receiving have remained elusive. I find it difficult to control my anxiety and I am feeling overwhelmed with stress. I was away from my mat again for a prolonged period and went back yesterday for a wonderful class. After class, it was as though my bundled up, twisted, tangled body and mind was released from bondage for the evening. My intention came to my mat at the moment of sun salutation when I realized all I wanted from yoga is to escape. Escape from worry, fret, paranoia, sadness, and disappointment. Escape from my continual waking knowledge of the world I pieced together with sadness and alcohol. Escape from my mind, tormenting me. And it works! Up until shavasana, at which point the hamster hopped back into the wheel and my mind went back to my troubles.
Yoga greatly alleviated my suffering while I was struggling with alcohol. Despite my frustration with addiction, yoga brought me many peaceful days and nights. My only real hope for a lasting recovery is to return to my mat and weave those intentions into my waking life.
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Stay on that mat, girl. I'm so proud of us, I had my doubts. lol
ReplyDeleteThank you for creating this blog, Evi. And thank you for posting on the MM boards. I have many of the same issues as you, but find myself very alone these days. So I reach out wherever I can. I did not expect life's journey to take me to this place, but then who in this situation does? Your struggles and triumphs inspire. -- Mark
ReplyDeleteoh, woman.
ReplyDeleteReading makes my heart go out to you. I've been sober a few days short of three years, and I swear it was yoga that got me here. That keeps me here. I was dragged into a studio hungover and reeling. I found something there - just for a few moments and, like you said, felt it disappear again as soon as I left the mat. But that something was enough to bring me back to the mat. Even if I was hungover, again. Or still drunk. Or drinking 'tea' that was really booze.
It was strong enough that I became a teacher. That I am a teacher, now.
Hang in there.