I didn't post in December because of a terrible relapse. I moved to a new town and a new job 6 months ago, and pretty much buckled under the stress. My drinking took on a self-destructive form, greater than I had ever experienced before. I found my way out again, and I am beyond relieved to be sober and in good shape physically and mentally. I believe this would not be possible without antidepressants. I have been depressed most of my life, and I am realistic about the necessity of drugs for my survival. I have suffered so profoundly, so deeply, descending into a darkness I never knew existed before my untimely arrival into that place. I can't describe the pain. I don't want you to know what it feels like. I never understood alcoholism before I experienced the madness firsthand, and therefore hope you don't understand me either. But, my dear, loving friends and husband have shown me nothing but love, patience, and kindness. I have seen them suffer on my behalf, and although I wish they never witnessed my insanity, nonetheless I have been uplifted by their commitment to me as a human being. I'll never be able to repay them, but today, I am offering my practice to the universe in hopes it finds my fellow sufferers. I wish I could open my heart and share the peace I feel right now with those who are still entangled.
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