It's difficult to not get impatient, especially when we begin recovery. I often find I am distressed at the fact that I have been forced to deal with psychological problems since I was a little girl. My mother committed suicide when I was 8 years old, and ever since I've been struggling with emotional issues. Because of my early life trauma, I have been less equipped to cope with distress than my peers.
Early recovery is a challenge because we have to learn to cope without using food, alcohol, cigarettes, or other external rewards. How do we learn to find inner rewards to help us get through a tough time? The first place to reach for your inner rewards is on the yoga mat. If, for 60-90 minutes, I am able to indulge in blissful body movements, calming meditation, healing, self-affirming mental intentions, I can begin to allow the healing I experience on the mat to infiltrate the rest of my life. But it doesn't transfer over perfectly and the peace we feel on our mat cannot eliminate distress. Life's inherent stressors won't allow us to live a perfectly peaceful life 100% of the time. Early in recovery it can be very frustrating. We come off our mats after a fabulous session, and immediately afterword we step into a difficult reality. Early recovery is when we begin to face what has become of our lives because of alcohol. It's hard to incorporate self-love while also feeling such profound regret. It's hard to cope with distressing emotions when we're used to having a substance help us get through our day.
One way we can bring peace from our mat into our messy lives is to do forward bending and sun salutations when we are feeling overwhelmed. If possible, escape to a private place and do 5-10 sun salutations, and each time you bring your hands in prayer to your heart, exhale strongly and leave a small opening in your hands to place the seed of your intention. What will be your intention? If you are needing this to cope with distress, intentions to face life with courage, react with calmness, or treat others with patience will likely emerge. Don't be upset with yourself if you react with anger or sadness. Healing takes time. Every time I practice on my mat, I will remind myself that I am in the process of healing life-long, deeply embedded wounds and scars, and this will take time. I will practice an attitude of patience and forgiveness. Remember that nothing can grow in complete darkness. Shine a light on your wounded soul.
Peace
Evi, you are a beautiful writer. These days when I'm facing those darn urges (luckily the urges are for sugar more than alcohol these days)I act like I have a magic wand and I wave it over me and make the urges go away. Sometimes it works but most of the time the damn thing is broke. LOL! Salutations to you dear Evi.
ReplyDeleteEvi, I love your writing & your description of the healing that the yoga moves have upon one's being.
ReplyDeleteBut I have to disagree when you say, "Because of my early life trauma, I have been less equipped to cope with distress than my peers".
I suffered from abuse in my childhood & it's surprising how many people have. When I got to know my close friends I discovered that most of them have suffered from some type of "early life trauma" & they've all dealt with it in totally different ways. We're all searching for the answers...
So I guess I'm saying that while you are unique, you are not less equipped than your peers.
Normal is a setting on the washing machine.
SG