I didn't make it through Friday

Relapse. I saw it coming for about 48 hours. Where did I go wrong? I would say that it was exactly when I  needed to be on my yoga mat - more than ever -, that I couldn't muster up the strength to do it. I knew I'd feel better, but I still wasn't able to make myself practice. I had succumbed to feeling depressed and sorry for myself. I kept asking "why me?" Why am I an addict? It's not fair. But, I have to face it, I don't have any choice. This is my reality, and the more acceptance I have, the better my chances for success. I only want to be happy again. In the future, I need to prepare for the eventuality that in the early days of sobriety, I will have some moments, some hours, and probably some days when I feel down. I know that I have to learn that what I need for my own happiness will come from within me. It's just that on Friday, I felt there was no way to reach inside of myself and find any strength. I felt I couldn't endure another moment of it. I thought about suicide. It was then that I realized that my antidepressants have been working well, but only as long as I'm drinking . I have obviously been using alcohol to lift my spirits, keep cravings away, and soothe my inner wounds. Where can I find something to take its place? I cannot keep myself sated by consuming substances or food. Again, it's time to turn to my mat, and open myself up to healing again.